Live Life On Your Own Terms
Why I Chose the Childfree Lifestyle
Don’t feel trapped by societal norms and expectations - you have a choice
“So…do you and your wife have kids yet?”
It’s the presumptive “yet” that always lands at my feet with the same thwap that a rolled up newspaper makes when smacked into an open palm. No matter the setting, occasion, or inquisitor, the question of my wife and I having children is always presented as a foregone conclusion; the person asking the question is asking for the “if” or the “when” while skipping right over the “whether.”
My response never alters: “No; it’s not something that interests us.”
Rather than a sly “No,” which inevitably invites intrusive — yet somehow socially acceptable — follow up questions about when we’ll breed, it’s best to just rip the band aid off straight away: we’ve chosen the childfree lifestyle.
We aren’t having kids.
Ever.
We don’t want them.
And guess what?
That’s aye-okay!
Yet to many, such a choice can come as a bit of a shock because the traditionalist mantra of “you grow up, you get married, you have kids” is so deeply ingrained in society that telling someone we’re childfree and not interested in having kids often elicits a response in the vein of “what?! why not?!”
Well, since you ask…
Childless by choice
There is an expansive array of reasons why someone would elect to live a childfree life. Desire. Circumstance. Finance. The state of our world today. Hell, some people just don’t like kids. The list goes on and the motives vary from person to person, but one thing is for certain: each and every reason for living the childfree lifestyle is legitimate. We all get to live life on our own terms.
“This above all: to thine own self be true” — William Shakespeare
As for me, personally? There is no drive, in any part of my being, to procreate. I won’t point to any number of issues in the world today — not climate change, nor the seemingly never ending cycle of violence that grips society, nor the ever expanding global population draining resources (damn breeders!) — and claim that I don’t want to bring a child into this world for this or that specific circumstance. Nor will I dredge up my own past and blame my home life growing up as a reason to avoid starting a family — my childhood was quite wonderful. For some people, these are the motivations or reasons to live childless, and they’re damn good ones.
However, for me, myself and I, the decision to choose the childfree lifestyle is in no way externally inspired or influenced; it comes from within. I’m not damaged or overwhelmed or lazy; rather, I have come to know myself well enough to be aware that becoming a parent and raising a child will not bring me any excess feelings of joy or satisfaction.
And if it will not make me happier, why would I do it?
I know something else about myself, something that requires some honesty from deep down — I’m not nearly selfless enough to have a child. The truth is that I love my life as it is; I refuse to sacrifice my freedoms of time, choice, and finance. I choose to have the power to do what I want, when I want. I like sleeping through the night; I like going to restaurants and concerts without complication; I like the freedom to travel at will and on the spur of the moment.
I cannot imagine life any other way!
We all travel our own path
I’m far more interested in living a life where I have as much time as I want, to be used however I wish. For me, the thought of being completely and irreversibly responsible for the development of a human being for 18 years pales in comparison to the dream of living abroad in Paris, or Rome, or Barcelona. Or Rio de Janeiro. Or Sydney. Or all of the above.
I want to see the Northern Lights in Norway without worrying about anyone’s bedtime.
I want to scuba dive in the Maldives (again) without worrying about my kids back on the boat. Hell, at some point I may even want to live on a boat for a span. Guess what? I have that option open, should my path take me there.
You get the idea, yes? Maybe the childfree life even sounds tempting to you?
I want a life without roots. I want to sail the sea of life, not spend 18 years anchored in a port. I will never be ready to make a commitment for which the consequences and trade-offs last for nearly two decades, and I refuse to be herded into said commitment by the ingrained expectations and petty pressures of society.
“To find yourself, think for yourself” — Socrates
If you are reading this and in fact do dream of a family, if you do want children, then please don’t be disheartened, and do not feel attacked. We — you, me, everyone — all have the freedom to choose our own best life. You and I and everyone may have different desired destinations — and that’s grand. I wish you and everyone luck and happiness on your journey, wherever it may take you!
However, if you are reading this and feel the same aversion to the idea of parenthood, of the simple life, of a family and all which that path entails, then just know that you are not alone. There is nothing wrong with knowing in your heart who you are and being true to that. Society cannot make this decision for you - although sometimes it may feel like it tries to! Knowing your true self is power, so take hold of it, and take hold of your destiny, for it is what you choose it to be!
Maybe we’ll even cross paths someday, sailing freely on the sea of life, unanchored and venturing far beyond the port!
